wilderness

Sparse.img_4614

Disconnected.

Exposed.

Alone.

Yet holy.

And strangely restorative.

There is this moment when a path comes in front of you and there are some choices to make. Sometimes that path leads into a wilderness we are not prepared for or didn’t expect, and other times it leads into a reaffirming moment that draws deeper into the memory God holds for who has created you to be. God’s memory is important, because sometimes we forget. We put things on the back burner and wait until there is more time, but time never comes. We allow other people to intrude on that time with things that do not honor God and who he has called us to be.

There is a victory dance to be done once you emerge.

But the muck of the wilderness…it is damaging and the choices you make while emerging define that holy and restorative opportunity those moments hold.

Wilderness can deprave you of creativity, sap your energy, make you feel alone and cause an immense amount of questioning of your beliefs. In the wilderness there can be an intense amount of having to be on the defense without a lot of opportunity to be our true God-created selves.

Yet, God honors those moments of wilderness. God honestly calls his people into the wilderness. But he also provides a path out. Think of the Israelites. Think of Jesus for 40 days in the wilderness. The time came when the wilderness was over.

It has been a long time since I was writing in a regular rhythm. A long time since I felt enough space to honor the ways God has made me who I am. I allowed a lot of pieces of myself to become dormant. It disturbs me how many pieces there actually are that have been asleep. I allowed the things I thought were holy and good to overrule my instincts and discernments of how toxic some of those things had gotten. I stopped using all aspects of who I am in order to be singly focused on only one aspect of Kingdom, but, friends, the Kingdom is so much bigger.

That time is over, and I am emerging from the wilderness. It will be interesting, but I know I am placed where I need to be in order to truly be who I have been created to be in all facets of that creation. Those affirmations almost come daily. The things people around you repeatedly say to you, and really have no idea why they are saying them? Holy Spirit is talking, friends.

There is something stirring and a Kingdom to be built. I truly hope as I step back into writing again, God might start revealing more and more of that ‘stirring’ I am feeling. The Lenten journey has started, and I am her for it. Speak, Lord, speak.

“See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.” [Isaiah 43:19]

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